"Stow and go" seating is for the seats and not for the children? I'm the worst babysitter ever.
— Darienne Lake (@dariennelake) July 30, 2013
My fat ass won't sit on wicker furniture, I sure as hell won't get in a wicker basket and ride a hot air balloon.
— Darienne Lake (@dariennelake) September 17, 2013
Like @ladygaga, I live for the #applause. Sadly, I'm stuck with the clap.
— Darienne Lake (@dariennelake) August 15, 2013
I'm letting go of my need to control everything. Let the chips fall as they may. Usually down my cleavage.
— Darienne Lake (@dariennelake) September 30, 2013
Got "carded" at the store. I pull out my license and the clerk says, "Not your license, I need your AARP card. You can save some money!"
— Darienne Lake (@dariennelake) August 4, 2013
My dad always treated my mom like a queen. A drag queen. He would only fuck her from behind and ignore her in public.
— Darienne Lake (@dariennelake) September 18, 2013
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Charlie Hunnam pulled out of the movie "50 Shades of Grey" and shot all over its face.
— Darienne Lake (@dariennelake) October 14, 2013
I would never take pictures of what I had for dinner. Nobody needs to see pictures of cheese doodles and donuts sprinkled with tears.
— Darienne Lake (@dariennelake) October 13, 2013
Advice for those who want to get married: you have to be committed..... to a mental hospital.
— Darienne Lake (@dariennelake) August 1, 2013
Whenever someone tells me they have anorexia, I feel like they're rubbing it in my face.
— Darienne Lake (@dariennelake) October 8, 2013
I'm only friends with straight girls on Facebook for the pictures they post of their hot boyfriends.
— Darienne Lake (@dariennelake) August 18, 2013
Stopped in a pizza joint by myself and ordered a medium pizza. Guy asks, "To go?" YES, TO GO! To go eat in my car.
— Darienne Lake (@dariennelake) September 26, 2013
Thanks for bringing ONE bottle of Sutter Home for a dinner party. Next time, why don't you being a bottle of stay the fuck home.
— Darienne Lake (@dariennelake) August 14, 2013
Some are upset that Gisele Bündchen had her 7mo old's ears pierced. Probably the same hypocrites who circumcised their son after 7 min.
— Darienne Lake (@dariennelake) July 31, 2013
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Vine: where you can watch cat videos faster than YouTube can say "skip ad."
— Darienne Lake (@dariennelake) July 30, 2013
@Guydelines I only dress like a woman so I can tell myself to go make me a sandwich.
— Darienne Lake (@dariennelake) July 24, 2013
The best part about being with your parents on vacation without Internet is: you find out if you are capable of murder.
— Darienne Lake (@dariennelake) July 18, 2013
There's nothing nicer than the smell of clean sheets in the homes I break into.
— Darienne Lake (@dariennelake) July 16, 2013
My real beauty is on the inside. That's why I let so many men inside me.
— Darienne Lake (@dariennelake) May 24, 2013
I don't know what it's like to be pepper sprayed, but I did walk into a mall that had a Yankee Candle shop next to an Abercrombie & Fitch.
— Darienne Lake (@dariennelake) May 11, 2013
I asked a friend to retouch my photos to make them look better and he retouched me out of them.
— Darienne Lake (@dariennelake) May 11, 2013
I can't wear a 2 piece at the beach. My body requires a 3 piece... and a biscuit.
— Darienne Lake (@dariennelake) May 8, 2013
